Rating: C+

There's a real potential for comedy here. There's a real potential to make cracks about games starring alleged child molesting Superstars that only a CERTAIN DEMOGRAPHIC OF CONSUMER could be dumb enough to love. And I won't say who, but maybe you know who I'm talking about, because even the black community has the sense to shun this guy, and the only people left who still buy his music are a) the Japanese and b) THAT CERTAIN DEMOGRAHPIC WHOM I WON'T MENTION. Actually, Europeans love this guy, too, but, then again, they're goofy enough to like David Hasslehoff, so what is that saying?

What's this game about? Well, you walk around abducting--er, rescuing--little children who coo "Oh, Michael!" as you carry them off to your magical Never-Never Land, all the while battling the forces of American law enforcement and throwing dance kicks and generally looking pretty gay. Actually, you're supposed to be fighting "bad guys," but if you are an alleged child molester, "cop" and "bad guy" pretty much mean the same thing.

Do you like to play games where you get to take on the role of a self-hating 120lb mutant freak, who--while not tied up in recording studios or on the operating table getting carved up by a plastic surgeon--stalks through big buildings looking for frightened little girls who he finds huddled in the dark with their teddy bears? But you want to save them, because all those grown-ups just don't understand, do they, Michael?

If you like this game you are a freak, or maybe European (with apologies to my more sensible brethren).

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